[Listening to: The Felice Brothers]
25 days
Alright,
so, I feel like I am slowly descending into madness. I can't say that it's pleasant, though truthfully, I can't say it's wholly unpleasant either. Life, as it were, for me seems to be teetering on the edge of some drastic changes. The only clear comparison I can make to speak of, is that of waiting on my Uncle Cid.
Directly after ingestion, anticipation takes a hold of you by the gut and hangs there like a five year-old suspended over a 10,000 foot chasm from monkey bars. That anticipation drags you by the balls through the worst leg of the journey, through the muck of uncertainty to the very brink of insanity, then: it drops; Tangerine Trees and Marmalade Skies. When it hits, it hits like a sledgehammer. That "hit" is unmistakable; things take a definite and heart-wrenching turn towards what can range from utter face-melting chaos to complete inter-connectedness and omniscient understanding. But: before one descends into narrating a novel which is their life, talking to tigers through a cafeteria tray, or turning into a glass of orange juice there is that transitioning period filled with remorse (best described by Buyer's Remorse), regret, eager anticipation, fear, loathing, and excitement. It's during this period The only thing that can be heard are the war drums of a periodically-human heart beating and rolling through a clouded drug-influenced mind like thunder, as the anger and anticipation that live in the coils in one's jaw start to wind with the pressure and concerns of a slightly browning strip of paper. Terror sweeps through and threatens to end the life of the mind; It's hard to step past the idea that one may or may not have sub-lingually absorbed the one only certain fact that can be recalled at the time. The only original thought that a racing mind can grasp onto in a situation such as this, is this: "Nothing's happening. Bad luck." and then it drops. This transition is the difference between night and day; it's this phenomenon that makes that teeth-grinding march of 30 - 45 minutes seem like an eternity. Effectively though, that span of time becomes a semi-colon of human existance. Separating two independent and decidedly different phrases of life.
This is what you do...
Take out a pen and paper right now and draw a line down the center of the paper. Calmly and logically, think of all possible advantages to buying a home and write them down on one side of the page. Afterwards, you should list all the disadvantages on the other side of the paper.
This process is supposedly how Ben Franklin used to weigh tough decisions.
It's this giant and terrible metaphor that best describes my situation at hand. To use two smalle
r shoe metaphors at the same time: I've got one foot out the door and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I kiss the city beautiful and everyone in it goodbye in 25 days. From there it's onward and upward. The allure of the opportunities and mystery Barcelona holds is back-breaking, ball-busting.As I watch the time left I have here spiral down the sink-drain I can't help but to reflect on the things I've done, experiences I've had, the people I've met and the connections that may or may not have been built and I wonder.... What does it all mean?
What does this city that I can't wait to flee and say, time and time again, that I never want to come back to mean in the grand scheme of things (as I'm concerned anyway). I hate leaving places feeling like I've accomplished nothing. But by the looks of it the only thing I've left here as far, as roots go, is shaving cream residue on the sink-bowl of Orlando. What my life really needs is a good clean towel to wipe away the scum; good as new.
Leaving Behind:
- Shitty, but comfortable Restaurant Job
- Mickey Mouse
- Selfish and difficult friends
- Selfish and difficult family
- half of a college degree (yay!)
Spain:
That's every reason to go. Thank you Ben Franklin.
,
'Cause an obsession with the past is like a dead fly
And just a few things are related to the "old times"
1 comment:
perhaps you're not leaving behind anything that you truly need to live (aside from the occasional epic beer date with your pessimistic yet oddly arousing nerdy ass friend. not to name names).
but on the up and up, a few months worth of uncertainty will do you good. in the back of your mind just remember you have a home in gainesvegas to come home to when the day is right.
Post a Comment